drinking out of a sandbucket again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
