You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize