No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
