Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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