turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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