Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want to make out with him forever
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
