we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
