dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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