I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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