My nipple is on Facebook.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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