Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
