Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
