she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
