I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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