Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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