so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
