I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
