fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize