I got chris browned last night
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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