The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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