Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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