they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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