Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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