oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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