I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
