dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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