i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
