dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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