im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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