nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
