im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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