if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
