My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
