i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he puts the penis in happiness.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
