It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize