Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize