had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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