Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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