how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
