i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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