I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
