Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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