Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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