I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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