And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
