found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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