Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
