return my video game
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
