My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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