Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
