Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
