im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
