honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
