I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
