If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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