Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
