at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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