don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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