he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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