Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
