Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
