I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
