mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
