Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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