Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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