I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
