I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
