i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
