So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
