Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
