omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
