btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
