I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
