three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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