I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
