i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i've created a new STD.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
