You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
