I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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