i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
