Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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