I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize