Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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